BEYOND THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE - There had to be a morning after!

Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979) - Bilge Ahoy!

Let's face it; some movies don't need sequels, most movies in fact. When it comes to Irwin Allen disaster movies, sequels are not only not needed, but should be considered a crime of some sort or other.

In the original film, THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE (1972), a group of passengers trapped in a capsized ocean liner; struggle to escape the sinking vessel in a strange upside-down maze filled with danger and rapidly rising flood waters. In 1979's BEYOND THE POSEIDEN ADVENTURE, a group of what I can only call morons, tries to go back into the capsized ocean liner to steal whatever goodies they can find.

Perhaps, if B.T.P.A. had concentrated on just a second group of trapped passengers trying to get out of the ship, the film might have not been so intellectually insulting. However this movie is dumb, really, really dumb. The very notion that no rescue effort would be mounted, other than a lone helicopter which whisked away the six survivors from the first movie, is intellectual insult number one.

Intellectual insult two comes in the form of Michael Caine, Karl Malden and Sally Field as a group of privateers in a tug boat which somehow survives the tidal wave that dooms poor Poseidon. These three intrepid morons find Poseidon capsized and make the profoundly stupid decision to explore the flipped over ship for treasure. Other than the still smoldering corpse of Stella Stevens, no actors from the original film show up, although one character, the ship's nurse, last seen heading towards certain doom, does return for "Beyond", though she has been upgraded from producer Irwin Allen's wife Sheila to "Mrs. Partridge", Shirley Jones.

Intellectual insult three begins as a group of terrorists led by Telly Savalas shows up to reclaim their lost treasure of uranium from Poseidon's hold.

The next five thousand insults are every single wretched frame of this incredibly ill-conceived film, which also features; Slim Pickens, Jack Warden, Shirley Knight, Angela Cartwright, Mark Harmon, Veronica Hamel and Peter Boyle, all of whom have done better work.

Several truly stupid moments stand out, such as the old couple waiting in their unflooded stateroom for help to arrive. Another occurs in an unflooded galley, as Sally Field, at a low point in her career, gives a memorably bad performance as she breaks down and cries due to the fact that her companions continue to refer to her as "monkey". Later when the water that the filmmakers seem to have forgotten about begins to flood a cargo hold full of upside-down late-70's model cars, our "heroes" engage in a shootout with the terrorists.

The fact is, that if the film makers could have lured Leslie Neisen from the original Poseidon Adventure back for this movie, added a pie-fight and a few fart jokes, this could have been a really good spoof of a disaster movie, like AIRPLANE!, instead of just a disaster.

By the time the remaining survivors escape you no longer feel the encroaching sense of claustrophobic dread you felt in the original film, you'll feel something more of a lingering achy-nausea, kind of like a hangover. In fact I suggest that this film be redubbed, Poseidon Adventure: The Hangover. Because just like a night of binge drinking, with Poseidon, there had to be a morning after!