The Rules of Attraction - This Rule Should Be Broken!
The Rules of Attraction - Rule #1: Don't Watch It!
After taking a few months off from reviewing bad movies, I was all ready to dive back in with both feet into the endless sea of horrible films. Really, after forcing myself to view Cruel Intentions 2, I needed the time off. I had considered that movie to be the high-water mark for all bad movies, the rule which allows you to say of all others bad movies, "yes it was bad, but not as bad as...", you get the idea.
But that rule may not actually apply when one is viewing 2002's deplorable and utterly worthless "THE RULES OF ATTRACTION".
Why you may ask would I be viewing such an utter piece of filmatic flotsam? Well, it has to do with a general rule of finding bad movies, that rule being that if a DVD(VHS what?) is in a bin of some sort and is less than five dollars, there's a very good chance that it is a bad movie. And you have to figure that even if the movie reeks, which is often the result, you'll still have a really nice plastic DVD case to put a more deserving DVD into after having disposed of the bad movie. So at least the money spent won't be a total waste!
But speaking of total wastes, there is, THE RULES OF ATTRACTION, a film which was made using the rule: Confuse and disgust the audience.
The movie stars James Van Der Beek (Dawson's Creek's Dawson) as the thoroughly loathsome Sean Bateman, who is, as I have learned since, related to the main character of another movie I have not seen; American Psycho, but I digress. Dawson-Sean is a student at a high-priced Northeastern University of some type with lots of other white students. It seems that all of the students of Rich Northeastern U. are heavy drug users, abuse alcohol on a hourly basis and have lots of casual and very unsatisfying sex. Much of their college careers consists of throwing all-night coke-parties often courtesy of local drug-dealer Dawson, I mean Sean. The one thing these students don't seem to do much of, is go to class, or have any class themselves for that matter.
The "plot" revolves and I do mean REVOLVES around this movie much like a swarm of flies revolve around a cow-patty. As near as I can make out, not having taken any drugs prior to viewing, the story has something to do with with drug-dealing Sean (Dawson) wanting to get into the pants of virgin Lauren (Shannyn Sossamon), who used to date Paul (Ian Somerhalder) who is now gay and wants to get into Sean-Dawson's pants, but somehow ends up not doing so. Meanwhile Sean ends up in the sack with local slut Lara (Jessica Biel) for some very disturbing sex scenes involving far too many close-ups of Van Der Beek's strange, strange face. Lauren all the while wants Victor (Kip Pardue) who recounts his whirlwind tour of Europe's dark back alleys, heroin dens and various close encounters of the Venereal Disease kind. For some reason, Faye Dunaway and Swoosie Kurtz show up briefly as two clueless moms, perhaps fulfilling some arcane filmdom rule or fulfilling a mandatory washed-up, has-been actress allotment. About two hours into the movie, the entire series of revolving storyline eddies collapse into what can only be considered a plot black hole, swirling and disappearing from sight, so it must be the end.
Confusion seems to have been filmaker Roger Avary's aim with THE RULES OF ATTRACTION and his aim was true. The film is made up of vignette pieces, some narrated, some not, some shifting time periods, some running in reverse. The credits don't begin until the second or third or forth act! Heck, my DVD player didn't even like it, as it began to malfunction and it could not finish playing the disc. I don’t blame the actors so much, as most of them did their parts well. Notable exceptions are Biel, who while a lovely piece of eye-candy, has all the screen presence of a soccer ball, and Van Der Beek who appears overly angry and perhaps a tad constipated throughout the movie.
THE RULES OF ATTRACTION features an ensemble cast of attractive actors, but all of the characters they play are as unattractive as can be. Every aspect of their lives is ugly and repulsive to all that is good. Even the ample use of nudity in this movie is depressing. As a viewer, I could not muster one bit of sympathy or empathy for any of these people, perhaps because I have never been a rich drug-abusing college student. But probably because I just don't believe that people in general live as ugly a life as any of those depicted in THE RULES OF ATTRACTION.
So, as for THE RULES OF ATTRACTION, my new rule #1 is: Don't watch it! This movie is one rule that should be broken,...I plan to use a hammer and a vice.
After taking a few months off from reviewing bad movies, I was all ready to dive back in with both feet into the endless sea of horrible films. Really, after forcing myself to view Cruel Intentions 2, I needed the time off. I had considered that movie to be the high-water mark for all bad movies, the rule which allows you to say of all others bad movies, "yes it was bad, but not as bad as...", you get the idea.
But that rule may not actually apply when one is viewing 2002's deplorable and utterly worthless "THE RULES OF ATTRACTION".
Why you may ask would I be viewing such an utter piece of filmatic flotsam? Well, it has to do with a general rule of finding bad movies, that rule being that if a DVD(VHS what?) is in a bin of some sort and is less than five dollars, there's a very good chance that it is a bad movie. And you have to figure that even if the movie reeks, which is often the result, you'll still have a really nice plastic DVD case to put a more deserving DVD into after having disposed of the bad movie. So at least the money spent won't be a total waste!
But speaking of total wastes, there is, THE RULES OF ATTRACTION, a film which was made using the rule: Confuse and disgust the audience.
The movie stars James Van Der Beek (Dawson's Creek's Dawson) as the thoroughly loathsome Sean Bateman, who is, as I have learned since, related to the main character of another movie I have not seen; American Psycho, but I digress. Dawson-Sean is a student at a high-priced Northeastern University of some type with lots of other white students. It seems that all of the students of Rich Northeastern U. are heavy drug users, abuse alcohol on a hourly basis and have lots of casual and very unsatisfying sex. Much of their college careers consists of throwing all-night coke-parties often courtesy of local drug-dealer Dawson, I mean Sean. The one thing these students don't seem to do much of, is go to class, or have any class themselves for that matter.
The "plot" revolves and I do mean REVOLVES around this movie much like a swarm of flies revolve around a cow-patty. As near as I can make out, not having taken any drugs prior to viewing, the story has something to do with with drug-dealing Sean (Dawson) wanting to get into the pants of virgin Lauren (Shannyn Sossamon), who used to date Paul (Ian Somerhalder) who is now gay and wants to get into Sean-Dawson's pants, but somehow ends up not doing so. Meanwhile Sean ends up in the sack with local slut Lara (Jessica Biel) for some very disturbing sex scenes involving far too many close-ups of Van Der Beek's strange, strange face. Lauren all the while wants Victor (Kip Pardue) who recounts his whirlwind tour of Europe's dark back alleys, heroin dens and various close encounters of the Venereal Disease kind. For some reason, Faye Dunaway and Swoosie Kurtz show up briefly as two clueless moms, perhaps fulfilling some arcane filmdom rule or fulfilling a mandatory washed-up, has-been actress allotment. About two hours into the movie, the entire series of revolving storyline eddies collapse into what can only be considered a plot black hole, swirling and disappearing from sight, so it must be the end.
Confusion seems to have been filmaker Roger Avary's aim with THE RULES OF ATTRACTION and his aim was true. The film is made up of vignette pieces, some narrated, some not, some shifting time periods, some running in reverse. The credits don't begin until the second or third or forth act! Heck, my DVD player didn't even like it, as it began to malfunction and it could not finish playing the disc. I don’t blame the actors so much, as most of them did their parts well. Notable exceptions are Biel, who while a lovely piece of eye-candy, has all the screen presence of a soccer ball, and Van Der Beek who appears overly angry and perhaps a tad constipated throughout the movie.
THE RULES OF ATTRACTION features an ensemble cast of attractive actors, but all of the characters they play are as unattractive as can be. Every aspect of their lives is ugly and repulsive to all that is good. Even the ample use of nudity in this movie is depressing. As a viewer, I could not muster one bit of sympathy or empathy for any of these people, perhaps because I have never been a rich drug-abusing college student. But probably because I just don't believe that people in general live as ugly a life as any of those depicted in THE RULES OF ATTRACTION.
So, as for THE RULES OF ATTRACTION, my new rule #1 is: Don't watch it! This movie is one rule that should be broken,...I plan to use a hammer and a vice.
posted by Jeff at 1:52 PM
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